Hey, everyone. I’m Kilo Luna, or KL, if you prefer. Avatar’s my favorite cartoon, which is why I’ve decided to MiST the horrible excuses for fanfiction people wrote for it!
Why did I choose this particular fic? There’s “girl”, “sister”, and “Avatar” in the summary.
Now then, let’s get this train-wreck a-rollin’!
The Eyes of a Girl
KL: ... what about them?
Disclaimer: I do not own avatar, but if i did, I think this story would be pretty cool, dont ya tink?
KL: Me not “tink” so.
well, you should probably read it first.
What do you think life would be like if the Avatar was a girl named Ayla and Aang was her little brother?
KL: Total bull? Why mess up a perfectly good plotline?
In this story, the Avatar is a girl named Ayla, and Aang is her little brother.
KL: And this story is going to suck…
Ayla is fifteen and there is some fluff beetween her and Zuko.
KL: Oh, HELL no…
Actually, the whole idea of the story is Zuko & Ayla falling in love.
KL: This sounds like a GREAT story…
What are you waiting for, knock yourselves out(not really)!
KL: I just might…
Read an' review!
Zutara-Princess
KL: Zutara Princess? Well, at least I won’t be insulting the Zutara Overlord…
The Beginning
KL: Of hell!
"But Gyatso, why would the monks want to tear us apart? You're the closest thing Aang and I have ever had to a father!" Ayla told him. Tears welled up in her eyes.
KL: Welled up?
"I am sorry Ayla, they said it was for the best. I do not want to be separated from you either, but I have spoken with the monks and they seem very confident in their desicion. I am afraid this is goodbye." Monk Gyatso told her and Aang.
KL: …he just wanted Ayla gone.
"Gyatso, what are we going to do without you? Me and Ayla have known you our whole lives! We want to stay with you, please don't leave!" Aang said. He began to cry.
KL: (Aang) At least kill Ayla first!
Ayla hugged her little brother. "It's going to be okay Aang. Don't worry."
KL: (Ayla) After all, I’m a super awesome girl Avatar who stole your role in the show and I’m able to seduce and molest Zuko!
She turned her attention to the sad looking monk.
"Gyatso, if you leave, will the monks let us see you again?"
KL: (Gyatso) Hopefully not…
"I am afraid not," He walked up and embraced the two siblings tightly. "but that never stopped me before, and it won't now."
He let go of them, much too Aang's pleasure.
KL: Wait, Aang was happy that Gyatso let him go? –confused-
He felt like he was going to suffocate under Gyatso's grip.
KL: -_-
"Aang, Ayla, you both are excellent benders. Ayla, I expect you to treat your brother with respect when he teaches you.
KL: Ayla needs her younger brother to teach her Airbending? She’s isn’t all Mary-Sue after all! –gasps-
He has mastered airbending much quicker than the average pupil,
KL: (Aang) Yeah! Look! I’m a Master Airbender! –gets out marbles-
and I think you would rather learn from him than Monk Kalah."
Ayla grinned when she remembered Monk Kalah
KL: … in his panties.
. Their last incident included a lemur, a lot of slime, and a rather large spider.
KL: … I can’t think of any situation involving those things.
The bad-tempered monk had waged war on her ever since, which wasn't as fun as it sounded.
KL: Ooooo, so THAT’S how the war started.
"Until then." Monk Gyatso said.
KL: What? Why the hell does he say this?
"Are you leaving now?" Ayla asked him.
KL: (Ayla) C’mon, I can’t STAND having other characters around that keep me away from my chapter with Zuko!
Her voice choked.
KL: (Voice) Can’t… breathe…
She really wanted Gyatso to stay.
"No, but I am leaving for the Northern Air Temple very soon."
KL: (Gyatso) Fortunately…
"How soon?" Aang asked.
KL: These kids mustn’t like him that much if they keep asking when he’s going to leave.
"Early tomorrow morning." Gyatso said sadly.
KL: (Gyatso) I have to wait ALL the way until tomorrow…
Aang and Ayla looked at each other with sad eyes. Tears were still sliding down Aang's face,
KL: (Tears) Whee!
but Ayla held hers in. She wanted to be as strong as she could, for Aang's sake.
"Get some rest you two. It's late."
KL: He really wants tomorrow morning to come.
"Yes Gyatso." They said, almost in unison.
Aang shuffled slowly to his matt and Ayla plopped down on hers. Gyatso turned out the lamp and left the room.
"Hey, Ayla, are you asleep?" Aang whispered once Gyatso closed the door.
KL: Uh, she just laid down on her matt?
"How could I be? I just layed down 10 seconds ago."
KL: Shit! I didn’t think they used logic!
"Oh, right." Aang sounded kind of sheepish.
KL: (Aang) Baaa!
"Will you be awake to see Monk Gyatso leave tomorrow?" He asked her.
"I'm not going to be here tomorrow."
"Huh? Whaddya mean?"
KL: She’s going to run away, get in an iceberg, be frozen for a century…
"I mean, I'm not going to be here tomorrow. I'm sick of this place.
KL: (Ayla) There aren’t any boys to impress with my ph34rful PWNing skillz…
Nobody cares about who I am, just what I am. That's why they're getting rid of Gyatso, right? You heard them Aang. They didn't say, 'you are spending too much time with Ayla and Aang'. They said clearly said, 'you are spending too much time with the avatar'."
KL: Oh no, they didn’t remember her name! You’re NEVER supposed to do that to a Mary-Sue!
"When?"
"When what?" ,br>
"When are you leaving?"
KL: Yeah, Aang! Get her out of there!
"In about 10 minutes."
KL: Why ten? Why not now?
"Where will you go?"
KL: (Aang) So I can be sure to never go there…
"I'm not gonna tell you that!"
"Why not?"
"Cause you'll tell the monks where I went!"
KL: Actually, it’s because they might show up again in another chapter, interrupting a scene that involves Zuko.
"How could I possibly tell the monks where you went? I'd be with you."
KL: Nooo! Aang, don’t do it!
Ayla looked at her little brother. "What?"
"You heard me. I'm going too. I love Gyatso, but we've stuck with each other longer than we've stuck with him. It'll be boring around here without you two.
KL: Aang can get bored?
You aren't going to leave me behind."
She knew there was no point in protesting, so she sat up.
"C'mon. Let's go."
"But it hasn't been ten minutes yet."
"So? what does it matter?
KL: You’re the one that said it…
Are you coming or not?"
"I'm coming."
KL: Why, Aang? Why?
Aang got up and headed for the door.
KL: That’s some description.
"Uumm, Aang, what're you doing? We can't go that way, we'll be spotted."
"Then how do we leave?"
KL: A window? A vent?
She tilted her head towards the window that overlooked most of the room.
KL: T_T Not again with the whole ‘logic in Mary-Sue fics’…
Aang nodded and walked towards his sister.
"Beast before beauty." He said.
"You realize beauty is for girls and handsome is for boys, right?"
KL: … with Ayla as an exception.
"Oh. I-I knew that."
"Let's go, my little princess." Ayla said and walked past Aang.
KL: Wait, Ayla said this to Aang? o_O
He hmphed before following his sister.
KL: Alright, tell me, how do you “hmp”?
At the stables.. .
KL: Wait, what stables? Why are there stables? Is this authoress to lazy to tell us where the stable is, what it looks like, and what it’s for?
"Aang, help me find Appa." Ayla said, her hand covering her nose. The bison stables reeked.
"Appa."
"Where are you?"
KL: Maybe he escaped this awfulness of this fic, like he does in most stories.
"Here boy."
They kept calling out for thier bison until they heard a heavy groan come from one of the stables.
KL: Which still I don’t think the Air Temples had, with the picture of flying bison freely walking everywhere…
"Appa!" Aang shouted.
"Be quiet."
KL: … said a mysterious, unnamed voice.
"Appa." Aang whispered again.
KL: Again? When did he whisper before?
"That's better. You need to be more careful."
They walked up to the stable where they heard the noise and sure enough, their 10-ton flying bison was sitting in his stable, having just been awoken from his nightly slumber.
"Sorry, Appa, you're gonna have to fly tonight, buddy." Aang told him, and patted his head.
Ayla opened the door to his stable and Aang walked him out.
KL: How many times have the word “stable” been used so far?
Together, the three of them walked outside and the two siblings jumped onto Appa's back.
"Yip-yip." Ayla said almost automatically. Ayla had Appa ever since he was a baby, and he was still considered a baby, seeing as bisons tend to grow up to be very old.
But since Aang usually spent more time with Appa than she did, she had agreed to share ownership.
"Where to?" Aang said behind the reins.
KL: (Aang) Oh, and look! The reins have bells! –jingles-
"Oohh! I know! We can go to Shurue's house!
KL: Shurue? Did the author slam her head against the keyboard to come up with that one?
He'll keep us under wraps,
KL: Keep you under wraps? You mean, like wrapping paper? That sounds real pleasant…
and he said he would teach me firebending anyway. Besides, he still owes me for that authentic, one-of-a-kind look he fasioned me up with last time we saw him."
KL: He owes you for what?
Aang laughed. Shurue had taken some of his father's war paint and shlopped
KL: Shilliply shippiply shlop!
it all over her face last time they saw each other
"Alright, Syoki Ilsand here we come." He said and turned Appa the westward.
Three days later...
"Aang, I think we're lost. We should've gotton there by now."
"I know where we're going, you said we travel west from the temple and when we reach the Salty Springs
KL: Salty Springs? This is AVATAR, not Sponge Bob!
we head north. That's what I did." Aang said.
KL: They know this… Shurue, right?
Ayla sighed frustratedly, and then noticed something was wrong with what he had said.
"Wait. Did you just say west?"
"Yeah."
"Well I didn't! I said east!
KL: No. More. Sponge Bob.
The Salty Springs is east of the Southern Air Temple, and the Fire Nation is north of that!"
"Ooohhhh. Oops. I guess we should turn back."
KL: Oh no, please… this chapter is way too long already…
"We can't, Aang. If we do, we'll get caught. We can never return home. It's too late."
"Then what do we do?"
"We travel around the world, I guess. At least if the monks are trying to follow us, they won't think we headed west. There's nothing out here except for ice."
KL: Oh, what will happen next?
Soon after she said this they felt a violent wind push them around, and noticed a flash of light in the distance.
KL: -gasp-
"Aang! Lightning! Take us down! We're sitting ducks up here!"
KL: -sobs- I liked Sitting Ducks, why did they cancel it?
Aang pulled the reins and Appa headed towards the sea.
"It doesn't matter! Unless we find shelter we aren't safe!"
KL: Who says this and why, I don’t know…
A breeze of wind pushed them up and Aang lost control of Appa.
"Aaaahhhh!" They both screamed as Appa tumbled down into the sea.
KL: The suspense!
Ayla took one last breath before the waves swallowed them whole.
KL: (Waves) Mmm, delicious! Although that girl tasted a *bit* too sweet…
Aang and Appa, however, never got to take a breath.
Somehow, Aang and Appa had fallen unconious, and Ayla wasn't sure how long she could stand it under water.
KL: Aang and Appa are unconious! Oh no!
Suddenly, she felt her adrenaline pumping, and her hands began to glow.
KL: Adrenaline isn’t an organ, isn’t it?
Ayla couldn't control herself after that. It was like, someone had taken over her body and whoever had was a very powerful bender.
She swirled and bent a circle of water around her, her brother, and Appa.
KL: She bent a circle?... sorry, that sentence sounds really weird.
They were encased in ice for the next hundred years, never knowing what would happen during their abscence.
How the Fire Nation would destroy everything they knew and loved.
KL: Wow, this sounds *just* like what happened to Aang, except with a Mary-Sue sister!
Review! I wanna know what you thought! Tell me if you liked it!
KL: Can I tell if I *didn’t* like it?
I'm an ugly girl,
KL: So am I…
My face makes you hurl.
That I have it,
KL: Ha, I know this song, and it’s “SAD I have it”.
I should bag it.
Acne everywhere.
KL: This describes me perfectly!... wait…
Unwanted facial hair.
I'm a relation,
To Frankenstine's creation.
KL: Alright, I like this song, but… uh… why are the lyrics here?
Haha! I just had this song going through my head.
KL: …
Here, put this in your browser:
http/
KL: “Page Not Found.”
if you love Azula, then don't watch. It would be a bad idea...
KL: Ooo! Ooo! It’s an angry Zuko fangirl video that makes fun of Azula!
Chapter 2: The Attack
KL: Oh, HELL no…
C ya till nxt time!
Zutara-Princess
Wow, uh… yeah. That has got to be the worst waste of a fic there is out there. Let’s look at the good and bad!
Redeeming Features:
Nobody’s too out of character yet. And this author actually decides to take her time with romance! Zuko’s not made an appearance yet!
RAP SHEET:
~Grammar mistakes galore, with missing commas and lack of hitting the enter key when it was needed.
~Aang having an older sister. Aang does NOT have any siblings (that we know of)!
~Changing the plotline ever so slightly just so the Avatar can be female. Why doesn’t she just write a story about a past Avatar that was female (-cough- Kyoshi fics, please!) instead of going through this trouble?
~Description? I mean, yeah, we know what the Air Temple and all looks like, but can you at least tell us what this girl looks like? A heavy, sparklypoo description is better than no description.
~The pointless existence of this fic.
"Oohh! I know! We can go to Shurue's house! He'll keep us under wraps, and he said he would teach me firebending anyway. Besides, he still owes me for that authentic, one-of-a-kind look he fasioned me up with last time we saw him."
