Zuko paced the deck of his ship, the sun was setting and they still had not reached the Earth Kingdom's shores. He was getting frustrated.
Toa: (Zuko) Rarg! I'm angry!
A few days ago the Avatar and his friends had eluded him once again, and had gained a day's leeway because of damages done to his ship by that water bending peasant.
BF: Do you KNOW how long it took to get all the spraypaint off?
He growled and did a flip to kick a flame at the tip of his ship;
Toa: One day, Zuko will become the main event at Sea World.
he repeated the action until his breathing began to get heavy.
Toa: Zuko, smoking is bad.
BF: Comes with the territory of being a firebender, I guess.
If only he had a water bender of his own to match that little water master...
BF and Toa: (singing) He needs his Water Baby~!
BF: It wiggles and jiggles and feels so REAL!
Toa: AND it leaks!
he thought quietly to himself.
He walked to the end of ship to survey his angry work.
Toa: (Zuko) RARG! Look how angry I was!
BF: Yeah, but who's cleaning it up?
He put his hand lightly on the
BF: On his chest.
Toa: Mammogram.
BF: MAN-ogram.
scorch mark, when he felt the metal shudder slightly.
BF: The ship is getting off on this.
Zuko scowled and looked over the starboard side to see what they had hit.
BF: PEDESTRIANS!
There, floating in the middle of the ocean, was an ice berg.
BF: (Captain of Titanic) See? Not so easy, is it?
Zuko stared at the block of ice, it was in the shape of a bowl
BF: A block...in the shape of a bowl...waaaaait a minute....
and was all alone in the frigid waters of the Earth Kingdom.
Toa: So sad!
BF: How cruel!
He squinted at the ice as it floated by,
Toa: (Zuko) Rarg. I hate you.
BF: Zuko asserts his authority.
and saw a small blue lump in the center of the bowl.
"Prince Zuko, we've hit something."
An older lieutenant said from behind the distracted prince. "I can see that." Zuko growled, glaring at the lieutenant over his shoulder and
BF: Asserting his authority.
pointing down into the dark ocean water.
BF: (Zuko) There! That's where the fishes live!
The other man gulped and came up beside Zuko to see what it was. He squinted through the dark night to see a white floating object.
BF: (Lieutenant obvious) It's white! And floating! ...A GHOST?
"An ice crystal?" The lieutenant asked quietly. "Yes." Zuko said gripping the railing as he thought. "Don't you think it strange that ice would be all the way down here, m'lord?"
BF: Ice usually doesn't migrate in this pattern!
the man asked rubbing his
BF: *AHEM*
knuckles in a nervous way. "I saw something inside."
BF: A caveman?
Zuko said walking along the side of his ship following the ice berg as it floated by.
BF: It's a floater.
Toa: (Zuko, to iceberg) I will beat you in a race. Rarg.
"Oh?" the older man said standing to attention and walking three steps behind the prince.
BF: With a little plastic baggie for the prince's "messes".
"I want to see what's in side." Zuko said stopping. The lieutenant stopped too.
"Well! What are you waiting for! Go stop the ship and round up the crew to hoist it up here!" Zuko barked impatiently with out turning even turning around.
BF: Doesn't he have anything better to do than check out ice?
Toa: It gets lonely...in the sea.
The older man flinched, then bowed and hastily walked away. Zuko glared at the white ice in front of him, and waited as the ship turned into a frenzy of activity.
Toa: A frenzy of complaining!
Ch 2 Capture
Kari felt something hit her ice nest,
BF: Ice birds? Looking for a home?
Toa: They poo slush on her!
but paid it no mind, she was
BF: Stoned?
Toa: Outgoing, and expressive of her feelings and spunk?
tired and she wanted to rest. She heard voices somewhere above her and felt the direction of the current shift. Current? This was no current, she was being pulled somewhere!
BF: God has spoken, and she is coming to her eternal home! Halleluiah!
She clenched her fists, but did not move or even open her eyes.
Toa: (Kari) Five more minutes...
She felt herself being pulled upward
BF: Heaven!
and heard the banging and clanging sounds of an iron ship.
BF: Heaven?
‘Fire Nation.' She thought quietly to herself. She laid perfectly still and waited until at last her ice bowl was set roughly onto the iron deck of the ship.
BF and Toa: Why?
Zuko watched as his men hauled up the large ice berg.
BF: It was good for their backs.
The stars of the night were dulled as torches every where were held to show his men the cold ice that they were lifting up.
BF: Just in case the freezing wetness didn't clue them in.
Three men closed in, looking down into the bowl to see if any thing was there.
Toa: Perhaps a delicious fruit drink inside?
It was then that Kari sprung into action; as soon as the men had seen her,
BF: They turned to stone.
her eyes shot open and she leaped out of her nest.
She landed in the middle of the fire nation troops and heard a young rough voice call out, "Get it!"
Toa: Get it ON!
She turned in the direction of the voice, but was soon being boxed in by soldiers.
BF: Then she was being giftwrapped by soldiers.
She glared and unfroze the water from the ice and whipped it under all of the fire troop's feet.
BF: Oh! So now they have...wet feet.
The second wave of troops shot flames at her and began to close in, Kari bent the ocean water to head size balls and began to punch and kick her way through the crowd.
BF: (Kari) How do you like the taste of my balls?
Toa: (Soldier 1) Salty.
(Soldier 2) But they're the quenchiest!
She growled as a hand gripped her
Toa: BOOB.
heel and turned to find a faceless mask
BF: We call them "plates".
looking up at her from the ground, she twirled
Toa: Skydancer!
around to have the water pick him up and throw him on three other incoming guards. She turned around and waited for more opponents, but none approached.
Toa: They were all licking their wounds.
BF: And didn't like her smell.
They seemed to have stopped by command and were awaiting an order.
BF: Yes, I'll have a cheeseburger and fries.
Toa: But no onions!
The soldiers parted and another man came to face her. Kari quickly wiped away the sweat that was forming
BF: In her armpits.
on her brow and took a fighting stance. The man in front of her had on the same armor as the others, but he wore no mask, showing off a dark scar with golden eyes; he too took a fighting stance.
BF: The "Pussy Willow"
Kari took a deep breath and knew she had to end this quickly,
BF: If only the author was so compassionate.
she charged at Zuko, a thick stream of
Toa: Pee?
BF: It was important to mark her territory.
water following obediently from behind her. Zuko lit his hands on fire and charged as well, his face expressionless
BF: Hm. Toa, is Zuko ever expressionless when he fights?
Toa: He's always full of expression, even when sleeping! Remember when he had that "fever"?
as he studied her technique. Kari threw a decoy water strike to Zuko near his right,
BF: Meaning it was actually just a ball of paper with the word "water" written on it.
he dodged it and was hit with her real water blast
BF: Taken from the freshest Alpine springs to give you a cool, refreshing drink!
on his left, he fell back. Kari planted her feet where she was and whipped at Zuko's hands as he tried to
Toa: Feel her up?
send shot after shot of
BF: ...ahem...
Toa: ~*
flame at her. Finally, he rotated around on his heel and threw a wave of fire at her feet. Kari's root broke
BF: All plant life dies from exposure to this fic.
and she jumped into the air with a Zuko charging straight at her. She used her water to put out the flame on Zuko's hands and was head first into the fire bender's lair.
BF: Lair? Secret Batcave?
Kari could no longer use her long whip
Toa: ~*
and had to bend the water to move around her hands as Zuko's flames did. They began to make a barrage of hits and kicks at each other, neither giving an inch in ground. They finally they connected, with water hand on fire fist, each staring the other in the eye.
BF: But what neither of them knew was that each was only using 20% of their true power!
Kari panted and smiled at the sweating prince, her own body sweating heavily from the
BF: Sweating Prince?
Toa: It's getting hot in here!
torches and Zuko's heat,
BF: Zuko's in heat? Well, now that CAN'T be good.
she knew her body couldn't take any more.
BF: See? I told you so.
She let her arms go weak and put her head up to kiss the prince contently on the lips.
BF: Yeah, I always like to finish my death matches with make-out sessions.
Toa: A rousing game of tongue–hockey!
A moment passed as the two stood there, lips locked.
BF: Each too horrified to move.
With Zuko's surprised hesitation Kari used her hands to conduct water towards Zuko and
BF: You know the soldiers are clamoring for a better view at this point.
pushing him back, letting her escape his reach.
BF: She should.
Toa: (Zuko) ME SUPER HORNY. Rarg.
She smiled in self satisfaction,
BF: I bet.
but saw that her vision was getting blurry
BF: Zuko has that effect on women.
and felt her muscles were screaming in agony.
Toa: Emo muscles.
BF: I guess the sex was too much.
Kari knew she had to stop, but she wanted to go in style,
Toa: "Not lame!"
so she threw one last glance at the prince behind her, then got to her knees,
knowing it would hurt if she fell from her feet, felt her body give one last exhausted shudder, before falling to her side, unconscious.
BF: (Kari) Which one of you strapping young bucks will catch my faaaall~?
Zuko stood up, his face showing surprise and confusion, his insides felt light then nauseated,
BF: He needs some fiber.
and his heart beating fast even though his breath had returned to normal. Two guards went to the fallen girl, one felt her head, the other checked her
Toa: Ta-tas.
pulse. "She has a fever, Prince Zuko."
BF: Better check the prince too. He's feeling a bit weird also.
The one by her head stated. "Other than that, she's fine, m'lord."
BF: (Zuko) Oh, she's just moderately attractive, I'd say.
The other said, setting her hand down gently. "Take her to the brig."
Toa: (Zuko) And by brig I mean dump her body in the ocean.
Zuko said wiping the sweat from his
Toa: Pits?
brow. The two men were about to pick her up by the
BF: Scruff of her neck.
arms and legs, when a well rounded old man
BF: Well rounded = fatty
came out from behind a few other soldiers.
BF: A few good men.
"Now, now, hold on a bison's tail."
Toa: Pull that tail and treasures come out!
Iroh said smiling towards the two guards, motioning with his hands to stop. "Prince Zuko, be reasonable, they say the poor thing has a fever, the least we can do is put her in a room."
BF: (Zuko) The brig IS a room.
Toa: (Zuko) And by room I mean the cold ocean!
He said going up to his nephew and placing a kind hand on Zuko's shoulder.
BF: Oh yeah, that's how it always STARTS...
Zuko growled, and turned his head to glance at the fallen water bender.
"Fine." He muttered, turning back to face the ship's tower. Iroh chuckled in good humor and turned back to Kari and the two fire bender troops. "And a stretcher will be needed for our ill friend, too." He said pointing to an older privet
BF: (Zuko) Uncle, please don't talk to the hedges.
Iroh: But they're my friends!
to get the needed stretcher. Zuko clenched his fist in internal
BF: Gas.
rage, then stomped off towards the door, where the hasty privet
BF: Is this The Shining? Do the hedges move?
had gone to and was there holding the door open for his commanding officer. Zuko went to his chambers
BF: pot
and slammed the door shut, his aura seeping out warning any one close, to GET AWAY.
Toa: This is Zuko Time, now!
Ch 3 Pact
Kari felt warmth all around her,
BF: Friendship?
her senses began to sharpen as some one shifted at the foot of her bed.
Toa: I hope that's the pet dog.
She sat up slowly, letting her blankets fall limply to her lap,
BF: And who wants to bet me she's naked?
and surveyed her surroundings. A large old man sat stroking his
BF: WHOA! Stop with the smut!!!
beard as he looked at a table set in front of him. It had a finely carved teapot, a dish of morning pastries, and two cups, both steaming with a hot, delicious smelling liquid.
BF: Tar?
"Oh, you are awake! I was hoping you would, you are just in time for tea." The old man said, smiling kindly at her.
BF and Toa: (singing) Is it one lump or two~?
Kari nodded, her face expressionless,
Toa: Like the plate-mask she saw earlier.
and got up and stepped over
Toa: The dead bodies.
to the opposite side of the fire nation man's small tea table.
Toa: Bumping her shin on the corner
She sat down quietly, folding her legs gracefully beneath her and placing her hands politely in her lap.
"You are most polite for some one who is far from home." Iroh said pushing a tea cup in front of the blue dressed girl.
BF: Because we know people who are far away from home are usually rude as hell.
(Wicked Witch) That damned Dorothy dropped a house on my sister!
Kari's eyes darted at him, scanning his face for information, ‘How did he know I was far from home?' she thought silently, clasping the tea between her
Toa: Butt-cheeks?
hands.
"Please, drink for good health!
BF: (Iroh) It helps against prostrate cancer!
You were running a fever last night, so I stayed with you until you got better." The man said, Kari looked into his eyes and could sense no evil with in him.
Toa: Nope, nothing wrong in the Force here...
She took a sip of her tea.
"That's good, it's one of my favorites, by the way..." He said picking up a pastry and popping it into his mouth. "My name is Iroh, but you can call me Uncle, I know my nephew does!"
BF: We know you know that we know!
He said laughing at his own joke. She did not smile, but picked a pastry of her own and munched on it. "What is your name? I'd want to know the name of such a great water bender before I die." Iroh begged, leaning closer to show a genuine face.
"My name is Kara Mizuayachi, but...
Toa: (Kari) I think that's copyrighted from Studio Gibli
BF: Uh, I think that's copyrighted from Studio Dumbass.
You may call me," she looked at his face and back down at her tea. "Kari, I am used to the name Kari."
BF: It's what her owner's called her.
She said sipping her tea again. "Ah, such a beautiful name, for such a beautiful young lady!" Iroh teased,
BF: (suspicious) What are you trying to sell her?
smiling as he sipped his tea as well. "And where do you come from, my dear?" he asked
BF: (Kari) Mama says I come from Heaven.
casually,
Toa: ACT COOL!
reaching for another pastry.
Toa: Another? He's gonna get fat...ter.
Kari's hands clenched around
BF: Said pastry.
her tea cup and the water inside
Toa: (Iroh) It's TEA LEAF JUICE!
froze and the clay cup
Toa: They USED to have fine china, until Zuko broke them all.
broke instantly.
BF and Toa: Nice going, Kari.
She sat silent,
BF: But deadly.
the tea cup shards pierced her skin and a small trail of blood dripped onto the tea table.
Toa: Emo Kari. She cuts herself with clay cups!
"Oh dear," Iroh said putting a napkin under Kari's
Toa: Chin?
hands and taking away the frozen tea and the clay pieces. "I am sorry for being so blunt," he said wrapping the napkin around her hands.
BF: That's right, Iroh! How DARE you question strange people you bring aboard your ship!
"The bleeding will stop."
BF: She just needs to put in a tampon.
Kari said taking her hands away and placing them in her lap. "Well, since we have only one cup now,
BF and Toa: Thanks, Kari.
perhaps you will let me take you to breakfast? It's my treat." Iroh said pleasantly,
Toa: Not realizing it was KARI who broke the cup in the first place.
standing up and heading to the door, he took out a large circle of keys and unlocked the door.
"Do you
BF: (Davy Jones) Fear death?
Toa: Know the Muffin Man?
not fear, that I would try to escape?" Kari asked standing and walking over to Iroh.
BF: No, Iroh figures you're too stupid to try that.
"If you had wanted to leave, you wouldn't have stopped for tea with an old man."
BF: Um, didn't Iroh stop in her PRISON CELL to have tea with her?
Iroh said patting his stomach in good humor.
BF: (Iroh) Yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy!
Toa: I think he needs to cut back on that love.
Kari nodded and followed Iroh through the iron halls of the ship.
When they had reached the mess hall,
BF: Which was, in fact, a mess.
Kari saw that there were only three people there, two guards sat near the left hand corner, engrossed in an intimate conversation over soup,
BF: Who were planning to make out as soon as everyone else left.
and the third was a teenager with a golden eyes sitting at the far right side,
BF: Hoping to watch the gay couple in the corner make out.
with a table full of food. Iroh went to the younger boy and motioned for Kari to follow.
Toa: By tugging on her leash.
She went to the sit in the opposite side of the golden eyed teenager, her blue silk pants
Toa: That she wasn't wearing any panties.
BF: Or that her ass had eaten them.
ruffling and her gray eyes studying his face.
Toa: Her conclusion? Ugly!
She folded her legs gracefully
Toa: Into a swan!
beneath herself and laid her hands into her lap, the napkin was still wrapped around her hands as the bleeding continued.
BF: (Kari) I wish I had a Snoopy band-aid instead of a napkin!
Zuko stared at the younger girl, his shoulders straight and his body tensed.
BF: (Zuko) You know better than to eat at the table! Bad! Bad prisoner! Get down off the table!
"Prince Zuko this is our new friend Kari,
BF: Since when did Iroh decide who would be BOTH their friends?
Toa: Since Zuko doesn't have any.
she will be joining us for breakfast." Iroh said pleasantly from beside Zuko, he nodded to Kari and began to stack his plate high with food.
BF: Man, Zuko's ship must be like IHOP's buffet or something!
Toa: They give you diarrhea?
Zuko did not speak,
BF: But clapped his hooves on the ground to express his disapproval.
but then began to gather different noodles and spices into a soup bowl.
"You are a very skilled water bender." He said, not looking up from what he was doing. Kari did not respond.
BF: She did clap her hooves in reply.
"Far better than any I have ever seen..."
BF: (Katara) Well, I never!
He continued grabbing a pair of chopsticks and sticking them into the soup.
Toa: (soup) OW!
He slid the soup over to Kari and folded his hands in front of him.
BF: (Zuko) Now, salt this for me, wench.
"Where are you heading to? Perhaps we could travel together, until then?" Zuko said casually.
Toa: Zuko NEEDS a new pack mule.
The steam from the soup rose up and encircled Kari as she stared at the ground.
BF: if she was not careful, she would get lost in the mist.
"What do you want of me?" She asked raising her head in a proud manner and glaring at the prince. Zuko smirked, "I want to capture the Avatar."
Toa: (Kari, petulantly) But what does that have to do with ME?
He said watching her intently. Kari reached for her chopsticks and began to eat her soup.
BF: Careful. Odds are it's drugged.
"We are heading towards the Earth Kingdom," He continued, "There the Avatar and his friends will rest and gather supplies,
BF: In the kingdom. Somewhere.
Toa: (Zuko) We don't know where yet, but we're working on it.
I have faced the Avatar before, but..."
Toa: (Zuko) I got my butt kicked.
he scowled, "A certain water bender and idiot warrior get in my way though." He said unpleasantly. "I want you to..."
Toa: (Zuko) Get me something to drink, woman.
"Make them leave."
BF: Kick them out of the clubhouse.
Kari said finishing a long string of noodles. Zuko and Iroh both looked at her. "Make the guards leave." She repeated,
BF: Um, she DOES realize she's a PRISONER on their ship right? That's she's not in charge and at their mercy?
Toa: VIP treatment.
tipping the bowl into her mouth to drink the last of the juices.
BF: And spilling all over herself.
Zuko motioned to his uncle, Iroh got up and walked over to the guards who soon departed with insistence from their second-in command officer.
BF: Insistence?
Toa: (Iroh) So, which one of you wants to help me pluck my backhairs?
Iroh came back with a proud smile on his face
BF: Because, for a feared general, commanding two low-ranking guards is a REALLY hard task.
Toa: Pat yourself on the back, Iroh.
and sat back down next to his nephew.
"As I was saying,"
BF: (Zuko) Justin is such a hottie!
Zuko said agitation in his voice. "I want you to take care of the water bender and her brother."
BF: (Zuko) You know, give them fresh food and water, and change the newspaper in their cages every once in a while.
Toa: (Zuko) Give them little bathies. They like bathies.
Kari set her bowl down, not looking at the other two men. "Do you always get what you want?"
BF: (Zuko) If I DID, dummy, I wouldn't still be chasing the Avatar. Would I?
She asked placing her chopsticks down and folding her hands back into her lap. Zuko growled, "Will you or will you not do as I say?" He said again.
Kari's eyes flashed at him, an unknown anger showing on her face. "I am
BF: Easily annoyed?
free." She said quietly. Zuko's hands slammed against the table, making both Iroh and Kari flinch in shock.
BF: Good God, Zuko, think of the table!
"I have had enough! Either you will help me or I will throw you in the brig!"
Toa: ...again.
He yelled, his patients now gone.
BF: Since Zuko made such a sucky doctor, I'm not surprised they left.
Kari clenched her fists and stood up as well. "Do you not think I can escape!
BF and Toa: No.
Do you not think I have the power to destroy your ship!
BF and Toa: No.
If so then I will not hesitate to show you!" She said taking a fighting pose.
BF: Great. A display of power.
Toa: Yippie.
Zuko did as well, but felt the ship shudder beneath him.
BF: (Zuko) Earthquake!
Toa: (Iroh) Nephew, we're out at sea.
BF: (Zuko) Waterquake!
The doors leading to the mess hall burst open as streams of water came rushing through,
BF: Wow, they REALLY need to fix the plumbing.
all controlled by Kari. "Zuko please!" Iroh cried vainly, but Zuko didn't listen
Toa: When DOES he?
instead jumped towards Kari his hands already lit.
The two teenagers clashed with fire and water, each looking the other deep into the eye.
Toa: of the tiger?
Kari was the first to give, and danced away leaving water streams to ram into Zuko as he fought his way through with his hands ablaze. Water surrounded both of them in a solid white and blue fog, making sight almost impossible.
Toa: Now they must rely on ninjutsu.
"Do you wish to bind me to your will!" Kari cried at Zuko as she dodged his fire blows. "Do you want me to break to your own petty goals?"
BF: (Kari) Do you think I take myself to seriously?Toa: (Kari) Do you think I look fat in these pants?
She said appearing from the barrage of streams and striking Zuko in the cheek. Zuko growled from deep in his throat and increased the size of his
BF: Okay, now it's getting adult. (covers Toa's eyes)
flaming hands. "Are you mocking me!" He yelled at the water. There no answer.
Toa: There no grammar!
Zuko, enraged, leapt into the water fog and began attacking any thing that came near him.
BF: Like Iroh?
Toa: (Iroh) Not the face!
"Will you not even answer me, wench?" He yelled again as he evaporated another stream of water.
A small patch of water cleared, showing Zuko Kari's face,
BF and Toa: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
it looked tormented and sad.
BF: And ugly.
"You do not know, anything." She whispered
BF: You do not know where commas belong.
and began to lash out with ice frozen hands.
BF: I do that to family members in winter!
Toa: Not the face!
Zuko dodged and countered, face first with the powerful water bender.
BF: Countered? Face FIRST?
Toa: Zuko's hoping to blind her with his bald-shine.
"Their all so scared of me."
Toa: Coz you're ugly.
BF: And wangsty.
She said as she grabbed Zuko's
Toa: Willy-Wonka.
BF: Just mind the Oompa Lumpas, okay?
wrist and threw him deep into the
Toa: ABYSS!!!
white water fog.
Zuko got up shakily, and wiped his forehead clear of sweat, "I need the Avatar! And I will do any thing to get it!"
BF: (Zuko) Even betray uncle!
(Iroh)..............
He said scanning the fog for signs of Kari. She appeared again right before his face,
BF: (Zuko) AHHHHH! Knock that off!
"Why?" she asked, disappearing again as Zuko swung his flaming arm at her.
Toa: She's everywhere...all at once!
BF: Like Whack-A-Mole!
Zuko slammed his fist into the iron wall of the hall. He squeezed his eyes shut, "Because I want back my honor! My home! And the respect of my father."
BF: HAHAHA-no, I shouldn't laugh.
He said, punching the wall again, "I need your help."
Toa: (Zuko) My hand is bleeding now! Give me your napkin!
(BF) Remember, Zuko, the wall is not your enemy. It's the girl with the over-dramatic sense of seriousness.
He said sadly. A water stream froze into ice and slammed into the wall, missing Zuko's head by mere centimeters.
Toa: Look, even the Avatar folks use the metric system! Why won't Americans?
"Why would you love a father that hates you?" Kari said her figure standing behind Zuko,
Toa: (Zuko) But I only said I wanted his respect. I didn't tell you he hated me!
(Kari) Shut up! I know these things!
her head was down and she seemed to be exhausted. Zuko turned in lightning speed and struck at empty air as Kari ducked and walked slowly away.
Toa: Fast Zuko, Slow Kari.
BF: And Bad Aim.
"My father tried to kill me, for the good of the village, he said."
BF: The dude was probably right.
She went on, Zuko kicked at her face and she didn't dodge.
BF and Toa: YAY!
She stumbled, but looked back up and stared at him with gray tormented eyes.
BF: Oh, you WISH you could understand her deep anguish, but you CANNOT, because she is-
Toa: A teen?
BF: YES.
She stood up straight as Zuko walked closer to her. "I was to marry a god in the spirit world. That's why I needed to die."
Toa: No, you needed to die because you sucked.
BF: What God was she marrying? Retardius, God of Morons?
She said, her eyes lost in memory.
BF: Let's hope they stay lost.
Zuko raised his hand for the final blow. He stared at her and clenched his jaw, Kari stared into his eyes with out fear. They stood there as a moment passed...
BF: Along with gas.
Toa: (Zuko) My bad.
"But now I am free." Kari whispered and fell into his arms. Her body went limp and Zuko got to one knee and held her in his arms.
BF: I think I've seen this pose on a paperback harlequin novel.
"Will you save me?" She asked softly.
BF: What does she need saving from if she's "free"?
Zuko held her closer, his eyes tightly closed.
Toa: (Zuko) If I make believe hard enough, maybe she will go away!
"Yes." He answered. He felt her hand in his,
Toa: Ja-wang-wang.
and opened his eyes. She lifted her hand to reveal blood on his hand.
BF: That's it, spread the disease around.
He stared wide eyed at it.
BF: (Zuko) EW.
"Now my life, is in your hands."
Toa: (Zuko) All I wanted was a chick to take out the waterbender, now I got to take care of this...thing...can I just get a break please?
She whispered before falling asleep in his arms. The water fog vanished and the only thing left were two benders in the middle of the room, with a hiding Iroh behind an overturned table.
BF: Yeah, because Iroh is the biggest pussy ever.
Ch 4 Meeting You
As soon as the fog cleared,
Toa: (Iroh) I'll open a window to clear out the smell.
Zuko's senses of the world around him sharpened.
BF: Too bad his wit stayed dull.
He realized he was holding a prisoner,
BF: Haha, literally.
check that, a girl prisoner, and that his uncle had heard every world she and he had said.
BF: (Iroh) Goodness knows I tried NOT to!
He hurriedly laid her gently onto the metal floor, and looked around for his uncle.
BF: Check the Weenie Shack.
"Is it safe to come out yet?" A familiar voice said from across the hall. Iroh poked his out from an overturned table
BF: His secret fort!
and surveyed the damage done to the hall. "Oh, my, what powerful bending skills she has."
Toa: (Iroh) The force is strong in this one.
He said looking at the frozen stream
Toa: Of pee.
embedded into the mess hall's wall.
BF: (Iroh) I hope she has powerful CLEANING skills too!
Zuko got up from beside Kari and went to the iron door.
"Uncle, please escort Kari back to the room you gave her. Her fever is back."
BF: Translation: Uncle, please haul Kari's heavy ass back to the brig. I can smell her stank again.
He said curtly before exiting the hall and going to his own room for meditation.
BF: Is that what they call it these days?
"Hmm..." Iroh said scratching his beard lightly. He walked over to the unconscious blue dressed girl. "What power you do have, for making Zuko talk so openly to you."
BF: Yeah, nothing makes ME talk like having someone attack me and then ask a bunch of angsty questions followed by a retarded "tragic" backstory!
He whispered, before kneeling and picking up the girl and cradling her in his arms
BF: (Iroh, in Fat Bastard's voice) She's like a baby!
Toa: I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back riiiiiiiiiibs.
as he too made his way out of the hall. "Having you here will be very interesting."
BF: Sorta like letting cheese grow moldy in the sun. Interesting.
He said smiling fondly at the young girl as a grandfather would to a grandchild.
BF: Or how a pedophile would look at jailbait.
A small guard
Toa: But he has an enormous heart!
went past him and into the mess hall. "If I were you, I would clean up that hall before Prince Zuko sees it."
BF: I think he saw it...on account....he was there....helping MAKE IT!
Iroh warned to the guard, as he quickly walked away, a childish smile on his face hidden in the shadows as the guard gasped.
BF: (Guard) Oh, this is going to need the BIG blow dryer.
"Aang! How about over there?" Sokka asked from his position on Appa's head.
Toa: (Aang) No, I hid it in the left nostril. Other left!
Aang's head popped up from the saddle and looked to where Sokka was pointing. "See, it's a small village and way inland so no one could find us." Sokka explained.
Toa: And yeeeet....
"But I don't think we could the necessary supplies we need from there."
Toa: Like a higher education?
BF: Like toilet paper?
Katara said coming up next to Aang. "Oh, uh well, there's a market in that harbor we just passed." Sokka said pointing his thumb back over to the retreating cove they had flown over two seconds ago.
Toa: Then why...didn't you decide to go there sooner?
BF: They like to waste Appa's time.
Katara raised an eyebrow.
Toa: A saucy eyebrow?
"Sokka, that's more than an hours walk if we camp at the smaller village."
Toa: But...they have APPA!
She said looking down at the mountain they were now flying over. Appa started his decent towards the small village. "Well, that's just a sacrifice you'll have to make, for the safety of the team."
BF: Tough titties, Katara.
Toa: But...WHY can't they take Appa?
Sokka said as Momo crawled onto his head began jumping around.
Toa: What is wrong with these people?
BF: Momo likes Sokka...a lot.
Katara crossed her arms, "Me? Oh no brother dear, this is a we trip, for the team of course." Katara said sarcastically, moving back to the edge of the saddle.
Toa: (Katara) here is no "I" in "team"!
BF: (Sokka) There's no "u" in "we", either!
Sokka's face melted as he looked
BF: At the sun?
Toa: At Kari's face?
back at Aang. "Hey don't look at me!
Toa: (Aang) I will mess up your face too, sucka!
I'm going into the village to see if we can get a meal and board." Aang said defensively.
BF: Every Kid's Meal comes with a board.
"Besides, you kinda brought this on yourself." He said smiling humorously. Sokka's frown deepened as they finally touched down on a ledge above the tiny village.
BF: Munchkinville?
"Ok, it's still early in the afternoon," Aang said floating down from
BF: His high.
the saddle. "We'll split up here and meet back here when we're all done with everything."
Toa: Can I ask you-what exactly IS that?
He said twirling his staff in his fingers. "That's fine Aang, Sokka and I'll go to the harbor and be back before sundown." Katara said grabbing a basket
BF: Of goodies.
and walking down Appa's tail. "Why do I have to go shopping?!" Sokka whined
BF: This coming from a guy who matches his belt and bag.
carrying a clay pot
BF: They stole that clay pot from Iroh and Zuko.
down Appa's tail. "Because it was your idea in the first place to choose somewhere without a market, and you're the one who eats the most." Katara said walking off into the forest and starting up the mountain. Sokka followed slowly.
BF: Wait...can't Sokka...hunt?
Toa: (Katara) No. WE GO SHOPPING NOW!
"See ya!" Aang called after them, and went in the opposite direction.
meditation. He breathed in and out. He felt crust on his hand,
BF: Well, that sounds like a personal problem.
Toa: WIPE, Zuko, WIPE. With PAPER!
and his heart raced. He looked down at his hand and saw drying blood, her blood.
Toa: Maybe you should have eaten her a little more neatly, Zuko.
He clenched his hand and went to a small basin that had clean water in it.
BF: The basin for white people.
He washed his hand, her face came to his mind, she looked so
BF: Say it with us now...
BF and Toa: (yelling) UGLY!!!!
sad...
BF: Pathetic? Yes!
He shook his
BF: Booty.
head and went back to his place for meditation. He breathed, the smell of the
Toa: This is too easy.
BF: This fic lends itself to potty humor.
candles in front of him wafted through his mind. In his mind's eye Zuko saw
BF: David Hasslehoff.
A fog. Kari's figure sat there hunched over, she looked at him, pain and sadness in her eyes.
BF: Just for those of you who HAVEN'T caught on...she's really, really, unhappy.
Zuko opened his own eyes and shook his head. ‘Why won't she get out of my mind?' Zuko raged silently.
Toa: Mindfreak!
He got up and changed his clothes.
BF: I like the undressing, but the redressing leaves me sad.
‘I'll just have to train with Uncle.' He thought as he slipped on a black sleeveless shirt and loose black pants,
BF: Zuko...does MC Hammer know you've been in his closet?
he then walked out of his room and slammed the door.
Kari got up. She knew where she was, and she knew why she was here.
BF: Good. Coz we don't.
She opened her own door
Toa: Which was in a cell...in the brig....that is supposed to be LOCKED...
and walked through the halls. Three soldiers passed her, they were whispering quietly amongst themselves.
BF: Are these the halls of Zuko's ship, or the halls of a middle school?
Toa: They were debating over what kind of bag she should wear over her head.
"She beat m'lord,", "I was there when she...",
Toa: Got her freak down?
"What'll we do with..."
BF: (Soldier) All the hair she's leaving in the drains?
Kari heard them say. She kept walking, ‘I have to stay strong.' She thought to herself. ‘I can't let anything hurt me, ever again.'
BF: Not even their big meanie weenie words!
She came to a large door and pushed it open, feeling the ocean's happy wind wrap around her in a friendly greeting.
BF: Wow, that's so gay. As in "happy".
Toa: I wonder if she poops rainbows now!
She almost smiled, but felt a heavy tugging at her heart.
Toa: EMOOOOOOOOOO.
With all the bending Kari had done over the past two days, her body felt the tensions in her soul grow less rigid and tight.
BF: I hear sex does the same thing.
But the turmoil that waged war within her mind kept Kari feeling cold and empty inside,
BF and Toa: We know.
her memories replayed themselves over and over within her mind,
BF and Toa: WE KNOW.
leaving her with nothing but the past. No present, no future, just memories...
BF and Toa: WE KNOW, GODAMMIT, MOVE ON!!!!111
"Excuse me. " A gruff familiar voice said from behind Kari.
BF: Scruff McGruff?
She turned to see Zuko standing there, his armor changed into regular clothes but his face in its usual frown. "I need to pass."
Toa: Gas?
BF: A kidney stone?
He said pushing past Kari and leaving her in the door frame. She stared at him as he went to the middle of the deck and began a series of stretches and breathing exercises.
BF: These breathing exercises were important to master for when the baby came.
Kari hesitantly moved away from the iron door and made her way around near the edges of the ship, her hand lightly tracing the worn railing. She glanced out onto the ocean and saw a long strip of land stretching as far as the eye could see.
BF: We call them "continents".
Toa: You know, like Africa and Wisconsin!
"That's part of the Earth Kingdom ." Zuko said when he noticed Kari looking at the rising green mountains. "That's where the Avatar is."
Toa: Somewhere.
He said bringing a hand in front of his chest and pushing it back out to blow fire from his mouth and into the air.
BF: Coz his diaphragm is broke, don't ya know.
Kari looked back at Zuko and sat down where she was, her body was still tired and her fever was still there. "What am I supposed to do? Once we reach the land, who am I supposed to find?" she asked
Toa: (Zuko) The Avatar, retard! Must I slap you for stupidity?
as Zuko turned on his heel slowly and kicked the air.
BF: Take that, air!
"A peasant girl and her brother. They always wear blue clothes."
BF: That totally narrows it down.
Toa: (Zuko) It's, ya know, their thing.
He said taking the tree stand with his legs.
BF: Someone explain this sentence to me. Is he standing on a tree? Is he taking a tree stand? Or is he in some kind of stance resembling a tree?
Toa: I don't know...when it comes to this tree stand...I'm stumped.
BF: Ba-dum-dum.
Kari rubbed her blue silk pants in between her fingers.
BF: (Kari) My pants...are blue...the Water Tribe siblings...wear blue...oh my god...I AM the Water Tribe siblings!
"Am I not a peasant to you? One who is with out money to flaunt or no pride to claim?" She asked quietly. Zuko's root faltered slightly, but he quickly recovered.
BF: (Zuko) Wench, what part of "find these people" are you not understanding?
"Why do you complicate the answers I give you?" Zuko retorted.
BF: (Zuko) Why do you veer wildly off topic?
"Why do you not give to me real answers?" Kari shot back.
"Why don't you ask real questions?" Zuko snarled at her.
Toa: Why don't you both SHUT UP?
Kari looked taken aback, but then seemed to contemplate what Zuko had said.
Toa: (Kari, thinking) Zuko...speak...me...listen?
Zuko sighed, "The girl is your age and has braided brown hair with two strands in front of her face,
Toa: Hair loopys!
she's the novice water bender from the south."
Toa: Who, surprisingly, kicks your butt on a near daily basis, Zuko!
Kari's body tensed as Zuko continued. "The brother is older, with a pony tail that's on a shaven head, and he usually carries a boomerang or a club, like I said they both wear blue."
Toa: (Zuko) Stay with me now on this...THEY WEAR BLUE.
He said as he finished his exercises.
The door that they had both come from opened, revealing Iroh with two guards carrying
BF: him
a small table and a tray with tea and snacks.
BF: The guards are Iroh's snack bitches.
"Zuko! Have you done your stretches yet?" He said coming up to Kari's side. He motioned for the guards to set up in front of them, then sat down himself when it was all done. Zuko nodded, and Iroh smiled. "Good! Now, start with your basics and work your way up to the ‘Dragon Strike.'"
BF: Dragon Strike? I think I've seen that flick.
He said pouring tea into cup.
BF: If he poured it into his lap I would worry.
Zuko scowled, but didn't argue.
Zuko finished the Dragon Strike and kneeled low to the ground in silence. "Very good, Prince Zuko!
Toa: (Iroh) Very good, Zuko. Soon you will be Lord of the Dance.
I have never seen you go through your exercises in such excellence and speed!" Iroh cheered from his place beside Kari. Zuko smirked and looked towards his uncle to see Kari staring passively at him. His heart thumped,
BF: God but she was ugly.
"Thank you, Uncle." Zuko said, rising from his knee and standing up proudly.
"HO!
BF: Hoes? Where?
We wishes to dock!" The captain bellowed,
BF: I wishes the grammar would not suck.
ringing the signal bell to the nearby Earth Kingdom harbor. Zuko looked out over the deck and saw another larger fire navy ship already docked,
with the small mountains showing a thin trail leading to the other side. "I'm going to wash up, Uncle."
BF: One must look pretty for the Earth Kingdom peasants!
Toa: He's a dirty boy!
He said stalking off towards the iron door. "Ok, I'll take care of everything else!" Iroh said pleasantly,
Toa: (Iroh) Like I ALWAYS do.
standing up from his cramped position.
BF: Well, how shall we pervert THIS sentence?
Toa: Assume the position!
Zuko glanced back and glared, ‘What else do we need?'
Toa: You shutting up?
He thought quietly to himself. Iroh smiled at Kari as Zuko closed the door, "I need to do some shopping before we set sail again, but don't tell Zuko." He whispered chuckling at his cunningness.
BF: Iroh, you sly dog, shopping while Zuko isn't looking.
(Zuko) Was this vase always here?
(Iroh, tucking receipt into pocket) Yes.
Kari smiled politely and watched as Iroh walked away to make preparations.
BF: Preparation H?
Toa: Searching for Zuko's credit card.
She then got up and walked to the very front of the ship and climbed up onto the tip.
BF: (Kari) I'm king of the woooorld!
"So, novice bender, you hail from the extinct south? With a brother no less..."
BF: No less.
Toa: I smell sex in the future.
She continued, she glared at the coast
BF: I don't blame her, the coast was acting like a real beach.
and heard unnaturally hard waves bang against the ship.
Toa: (Waves) You kids better shut the heck up up there! Don't MAKE us go Poseidon on you!
"Let's see if you are the one..." She said before jumping off the ship and bending the water so she ran above the docks and into the heart of the town.
BF: Screw public transit, Kari votes for watery devastation as her mode of travel!
Iroh watched from the edge of the iron door as Kari ran off in a rage towards the earth kingdoms village and sadly shook his head.
BF: She had his lotus tile.
Toa: AND Zuko's credit card!
Kari landed on the roof of a small house and began hopping the roof tops,
BF: Kids these days, getting all hopped up on rofftops...it's sad really.
searching for the blue dressed southern water bender and her boomerang brother.
BF: Only to discover to her horror...they ALL wore blue and carried club like weapons.
She stopped to rest and panted as she landed on a merchant's home.
BF: The merchant, noticing her, rolled up a piece of newspaper and swatted her.
She looked at the sky, it was the middle of the afternoon, Zuko's ship had already docked beside the larger iron ship,
BF: Yes, thank you SO MUCH for the UNNEEDED recap.
and she could see him riding a rhino
Toa: That is so wrong. At least he isn't riding a mechanical bull this time.
past the outskirts of the town. ‘He's fast...' She thought quietly,
BF: Tell him that in bed and see what he does.
watching him for moment. "Hey! What are you doin' up there?!" cried an aging bald man from below her.
BF: (Old man) I see London, I see France!
Kari glanced at him and ran off, quickly hopping into an alley where no one could see her.
BF: There, she changed into her superhero outfit.
She then began to walk around the market, searching silently for her prey.
Aang walked into the small village, his staff in hand
BF: Hey, buddy, not in public.
and his straw hat on, hiding his blue arrow. The town was poor, with only a remodeled barn as an inn.
Toa: So the Inn was newly refurbished.
But Aang knew that Katara and Sokka were tired of sleeping in the open, so he went inside to see if he could get them a room. The inside was rundown with knocked over tables and broken glass pieces every where.
BF: Uh...I vote for outside.
Toa: Definitely not five star.
"Hello?" Aang called into the inn, he went to the front desk and looked behind the counter, "Any body here?" He asked again.
BF: (Lurch) YESSS?
A scream came from out side,
BF: "MAKE THE FIC STOP!"
"Please don't hurt us! We don't know any thing!" A man cried as three fire nation soldiers surrounded him. The ring leader raised his fist and beat the poor inn keeper,
Toa: Gotta keep your hoes in line.
crushing his face and covering the ground with blood.
BF: (Ring Leader, rubbing Inn-Keeper's face into ground) Look at this mess! You know what you did!
Aang sprung in front of the man and held his staff up to the fire nation troops.
BF: AANG! Not in public I said!
Toa: (Aang) I'm an airbender! I love to feel the breeze between my knees!
"Hey leave him alone!" He cried blasting air into a tornado to blow the evil men onto the main road. The three men got up, the ring leader seemed to whisper something,
BF: (Ring Leader) Who brought that talking traffic sign to life?
then pointed at the twelve-year-old boy, "You're the Avatar!" He said getting up and holding up back a fist and rooting his feet.
BF: How...does someone DO that position, exactly?
Aang threw off his hat, revealing
BF: That he was BALD!
his air bending mastery tattoo, "Yeah! What are you going to do about it?" He said,
Toa: (Ring Leader) I'm gonna whoop your butt, that's what I'm gonna do!
"You hurt this innocent man, and you've probably hurt a lot of other people here too!"
Toa: Yeah, if they owed him money.
BF: Or were seduced by his charms.
People who were watching the action, soon slinked away back into their houses and hid themselves from the soldiers view.
BF: (People) No one will ever think to look for us...in our HOUSES.
One of the three fire nation troops ran off, looking as if he were escaping.
BF: Actually, he just had diarrhea.
Toa: Diarrhea hits you like Aang...hard and fast.
The other two covered him
BF: Well, good, because his nudity was getting to me.
and began to fire blasts of flames at Aang, he dodged them easily and advanced on the two remaining men. They kept it up, backing away slowly from the town, Aang followed, striking at them
Toa: Like a viper.
and charging towards them
Toa: Like a bull.
to leave the small village.
Toa: Like a....uh...I'm done.
Soon they reached the edge of the pastures, far away from the actual village.
BF: You could tell by the smell of cow droppings.
The two fire benders panted and gasped,
BF: Having finally consummated their love.
and finally retreated as Aang held up an angry fist of air.
Toa: (Aang) You kids get off my lawn!
Aang smiled to himself at his victory. He turned back around to go back the inn to find a room, and check on the inn keeper when something horrible caught his eye.
BF: The fic?
There, in the distance was fire, engulfing the entire village.
BF: Let's hope the village knew their fire drills.
(People) Stop, squat, and cower?
"They planned this from the beginning." Aang breathed as he saw terrible black smoke gush frantically into the air.
Soon after she had passed around a merchant corner, two blue figures stood in front of her. "Oh, sorry!"
Toa: "That you're so ugly!"
the braided blue eyed girl said, taking a step aside. She glanced at her older brother and pulled him out of Kari's way.
BF: Sokka, stop playing in traffic.
Kari stared at them, "No, it's all right." She glanced at Katara's canteen.
BF: (Kari, enraged) I was going to buy that canteen!
"What is your name?" She asked turning her attention on Sokka. Sokka blushed and smiled boyishly.
Toa: if by "blushing boyishly" you mean "scowling suspiciously", then yes! That's Sokka!
Katara smacked her brother,
BF: On which cheek, we'll never know.
"His name is Sokka, the womanizing warrior." Sokka made a face at his sister.
BF: Womanizing? Look, people, Yue is DEAD, it's okay for him to hook up with Suki now.
"I'm Katara, nice to meet you..." She said smiling kindly. Kari's hands squeezed into fists.
BF: Kari also squeezed into a size 6, but there was a good chance buttons would pop.
"And where might you two be from?" She said anger edging her controlled voice.
Toa: Don't lose the happy, don't lose the happy!
"We're from the South pole." Katara said shifting a basket onto her hip. Sokka flinched, as if he felt something wrong.
BF: WHO just pinched his ass?
The other girl was staring at them oddly.
BF: All cross-eyed and what not.
"Hey Katara weren't we not supposed to
BF: Talk to loonies?
dawdle?" He said nudging his sister along. They walked away as the strange girl in blue silk stared at them.
Half way down the street a voice shouted from the roof tops. "My name is Kara, and you're not going any where!"
BF: Wasn't her name Kari?
Toa: Evil twins?
BF: But...which one is which?
Ch 5 Attack
She descended upon the defenseless siblings,
Toa: Using her talons to pluck them from the ground.
water from local wells flying to her command as Katara and Sokka stood motionless in confusion.
BF: (Katara and Sokka) Why is that eagle wearing blue silk?
Kari flung a fat stream of water
BF: You know, they have diet water now.
at them, breaking Katara's shock as she shoved her brother out of the way and ran from the attack, Sokka close behind.
BF: Action Twins Unite!
Kari ran too, following her fleeing prey as they dodged her attacks behind shops, baskets, and even a cabbage cart.
Toa: (Cabbage Man) WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME???
Katara uncorked her canteen and tried to fling a water whip at Kari. The water froze in an instant as Kari's grey eyes glared at it.
BF: Yeah. She's THAT ugly.
She threw a water whip of her own at Katara's face only to have her focus diverted as her own scared reflection mirrored itself onto Katara's face.
Toa: Turning her into stone.
The water whip missed its mark and slid inches past Katara's head. Katara turned and fled with her brother, still running from the other water bender. Kari stood frozen.
BF: Because Katara used her waterbending to freeze her innards. Right? Right?!
"So much, is the same..." She whispered,
Toa: (Kari) The plastic surgery didn't work!
as Sokka stole a glance behind him. She smiled bitterly to her self. "Almost." She said louder, jumping to the roof tops and following the fleeing specs of blue.
Toa: (Kari) I will catch them fairies!
They reached the edge of the mountain trail, before Kari struck again.
BF: Damn, she's like the Hamburgler...she doesn't know when to STOP.
This time she lashed at Sokka as he threw his boomerang at her. The water that flowed from a nearby creek rose to defend Kari, but the boomerang made another pass on its way back to Sokka and cut the top of her wrist.
BF: Well, thanks, Sokka, you saved her the effort of cutting her own wrists later!
She winced, giving Sokka a moment to flee.
Toa: There's a lot of running in this fic...
BF: They should have run out of set by now...
Kari took a shaky breath and froze the creek water in to a great pillar that she used as a base to
Toa: Keep all of the boys out.
leap ahead of Katara, who had run ahead of Sokka to get Aang.
Aang ran back to the village, the smoke rising higher and higher into the sky. He reached the village and looked in on the houses. The village people sat huddled in their burning homes.
BF: Look, if the retards don't have the sense to get out of a burning building, they deserve to die. Natural selection.
Toa: No! Aang must save them...from their ignorance!
"Hey! The village is burning! Get out of here!" He screamed,
BF: No shit! Now if only the villagers were as smart as Aang...or a small rodent.
blowing cold blasts of air at the growing flames.
BF: That's right, fan the flames. Kill more stupid people.
A flame darted past his head to smash against the rotting frame of a door.
BF: I don't remember fire being that aggressive...unless Zuko is behind it.
Aang turned around
Toa: (singing) Turn around...every now then I get a little bit lonely and you never come around...
to find a lone fire bender riding a dark green rhino.
BF: That rhino should probably get checked.
"Zuko." Aang whispered, his mind racing as the town burned on, the flames leaping from one house to another.
Zuko leaped off his rhino
BF: There is more leaping here that Russian ballet.
and began shooting rounds of fire at the young avatar.
BF: (Zuko) First round is on me!
"Man, I wish I knew how to water bend!" Aang cried jumping onto his air scooter and zipping around the banished prince.
Katara opened her canteen again and struck randomly at Kari.
BF: At this point, aim doesn't even matter.
Kari countered with some left over creek water and wrapped it around Katara's legs, breaking her stance. Kari twisted the water and held Katara hanging helplessly upside down. Sokka let out a warrior's cry
Toa: (Sokka) Go Wolverines!
and ran to defend his sister. Kari turned her scowl upon Sokka, and with one hand caught him up in the same position that she had Katara in.
BF: Now, she would skin them.
Both Katara and Sokka struggled against the water chains that held them in the air.
BF: Cause water is totally solid like a rope. Not shifting and intangible at all.
Kari watched, her scowl never lifting,
BF: She scowls like Vegeta.
but her mind searching and remembering.
BF: Oh shit, where did she leave her keys?
She held in a choked scream and flung the girl and her brother higher up in the woods. "You'd die for your family?! Is that it!?" She yelled at them,
BF: I'd die to get her to shut the hell up.
her eyes tightly closed as visions raced in her mind.
BF: Most of them involving Zuko without his pants.
She knelt, gasping in sudden tiredness.
Toa: She had just envisioned IROH without pants.
She touched her forehead, breathing shakily in and out. ‘My fever... it's still there.'
BF: On her forehead?
She thought, her loose hair falling in front of her face.
She got up slowly, wobbling slightly on what might be a sprained ankle.
BF: Might be a sprained ankle, might be senseless wangst...who can say?
She breathed slowly, her breath tainted in sickness and cold.
Toa: Mouthwash!
Her head swam and everything
BF: else was drowning.
seemed to be so much heavier. She looked at her wrist, the bleeding hadn't stopped, and her bracelet was covered with new blood.
BF: Which one, the crappy one or the gaudy one?
"Maybe, I should find someone to help me back." She said glancing back down the mountain trail.
She closed her eyes and listened to the woods. There was a snap of a young bough up ahead. Kari's eyes flew opened and she ran towards the sound. Bushes and trees blocked the way to the human made sound, so Kari bent the creek water that had followed her and slammed blindly into both Katara and Sokka, sending them flying onto the clearing at the tip of the mountain.
BF: Someone explain that paragraph to me.
Toa: I can! "Lame"!
Katara was the first to get up, even though she was both dirty and bruised,
Toa: Katara is a dirty girl.
and had no water left in her canteen. Kari froze the ground they were on, immobilizing Sokka, who only stared as the silk dressed stranger advanced on them.
BF: Silk. Yes. We get it. Move on.
"What do you want from us!?" Katara shouted, her stance perfectly rooted on the ice.
BF: Andthe reason Katara doesn't bust out of there and then bust some ass is because...?
Toa: But then HOW would Kari shine?
Kari hesitated when she heard Katara speak. Katara used this to take up a thin whip of water from the frozen ground and strike at Kari. It stopped mid air as Katara and Kari fought over the whip's control.
BF: "Whip it Goods" turns "Tug of War".
With her free hand, Kari
Toa: Ho-slapped.
bent more water to snake its way up Katara legs and torso and freeze her in place. She stopped at the throat. "What do I want?" Kari asked her face devoid of emotion.
BF: A chance to rant at us?
"But what you want?" She asked casually. "Do you want to kill me? Do you want to escape, to be free?" She asked,
Toa: We want you to SHUT UP ALREADY!
her hands shaking slightly. "We didn't do anything to you!" Sokka shouted at her from his place frozen on all fours.
Toa: Kinky.
What Kari did next, confused and startled the two siblings.
BF: She actually...shut up?
She smiled, warm and kind, her eyes closed and her teeth showing in tender softness.
BF: Too bad she had Billy-Bob teeth.
"It's nice to talk, don't you think?
BF and Toa: NO.
Toa: (Mr. Rogers) I's okay to have friends...
Not to have any one silence you, or ignore you." She said,
BF: Or leave mean reviews on your fic saying how whiny and melodramatic your Sue is...
before her smile blew away with the wind.
BF: Well, thank God someone finally opened a window.
Her sad eyes opened again and she stepped ominously close to Katara.
BF: (Katara) YOU'RE NOT RESPECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE!
"I will not silence you," She whispered, "for I know what silence will do to you,
BF: It'll make you quiet?
Toa: It'll make you crazyyyyy...
but I can neither let you live."
Toa: But then you would be silencing her...forever!
Kari bent a thin blade of water into her hand and raised it to the sky.
BF: A blade of water is senseless enough, but trying to cut the sky? That's absurd.
Katara struggled vainly against her icy mold, "WHY ARE YOU GOING TO KILL US?!"
Toa: (Kari) COZ I'M INSAAAAANE!
She screamed, tears coming to her eyes in fear. Kari flinched, unable to move her body another inch.
BF: Dawn had come, and once again she returned to stone!
Smoke caught her eye, coming from a poor looking village from down the opposite side of the mountain.
Toa: (Kari) that must be where the stupid folks live!
She grit her teeth and brought her icy knife down hard, cracking deep into the ice.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Sokka screamed, as he saw the knife plunge into his sister's shoulder.
BF: Wait...didn't she stab the ice?
Katara choked and squeezed her eyes shut, her own heart screaming in terrible fear. No pain came, no sharp knife seemed to have touched her at all. ‘Could I be dead?' Katara thought,
BF: Could Kari's aim suck that bad?
cracking open an eye to see her surroundings. Kari stood still, leaning carefully towards Katara to whisper into her ear,
Toa: (kari) You like it ‘cause you're bad.
"Do not tell." She lurched away from the two siblings and ran to the woods, the ice unfreezing as she stepped off of its surface, leaving Katara and Sokka to stare in cold, wet, wonder.
BF: (Sokka and Katara) W...T...F...?
Ch 6 Savior
"Why did I do that?" Kari asked
BF: Don't we all wish to know.
as she leaned heavily on a far away tree trunk. "Why couldn't I just end my curse now?"
BF: Well, I don't know. Why DON'T you end the fic already?
She asked again, limping weakly towards the burning town she had seen on the mountain top.
BF: Limping...from what? All theass-kicking she was handing out?
It did not take long to get to the flaming village, for soon Kari smelled smoke and a revolting roasting flesh scent,
Toa: Someone burned the bacon
that made her head spin dizzily. A nearby shack, that might once have been a home,
Toa: To a hobo...
had a wailing sound come from within.
BF: Just walk away. The Shrieking Shack is not a good place for you.
Kari glanced at the overtaken home, its embers and flames eating dangerously near the forest.
BF: That's the No Smoking section.
Kari limped to the shack and called water from a near by river to aid her. She pressed some of it at the door to enter somewhat safely,
Toa: Why does she need to go in?
BF: Shhhhh, let her.
then scanned quickly through the smoke and ash ridden shed.
A large bundle lay burned in a corner, its clothes marking him, or her, as once human.
BF: Before the mutation set in anyway.
It moved slightly, Kari raised her water for defense,
BF: Zombies were known to attack even after being burned.
only to see a small girl-child emerge from beside the dead person.
BF: The one she was feeding on?
Her hair was in tight buns
BF: Buns of steel.
and her green clothes were smeared with ash and dirt.
Toa: But not burnt!
Her face was twisted with fear and sadness. The shed gave a low moan
Toa: Great. Kari the Sequel.
BF: Just what we NEVER wanted!
as the fire ate away at its beams.
Kari walked forward, the water she had called raining down from behind her, like blue angel wings,
Toa: Like water that COULD be used to extinguish the flames!
BF: But them how would we know of her majestic and pure nature?
and held out her hand for the child, undeterred by the steam and smoke.
BF: Oh, look how brave she is! Not even the mightiest of boo boos scare her!
The girl reached out hesitantly for the saviors hand,
Toa: but she doesn't know where that hand had been!
BF: Probably wanking.
Kari grabbed it and picked her up
BF: And hauled her off to her basement.
as best her weakened body could and had her bending water guard her and the girl as the building at last came crashing down.
Aang held out his staff, facing off squarely against the young fire nation prince.
BF: Okay, seriously, this is getting lewd.
Zuko sent off punches of flames his footing and stances were completely perfect.
Toa: DDR trained him well.
Aang countered and blew back the flames with his staff and sent a wave of air low to the ground, trying to break Zuko's root.
BF: If you want to get rid of roots, you should use Weed-B-Ded
Zuko jumped and landed with a flame kick, and watched as Aang dodged and raced around the street on his air scooter.
BF: (Zuko) Show off.
He came up close and began exchanging
Toa: Vows
blows with Zuko, before blasting him with and air blast
BF: That totally blasted him.
and sending swiftly towards the other end of the street. Zuko growled in rage
Toa: (Zuko) Rawrg.
and stood still as a building near him collapsed, sending up sparks and smoke.
BF: Uh, building collapse and combust when you send Zuko flying into them?
Toa: Well, he was gonna blow them up anyway!
He and Aang prepared for another attack when drops of water began falling from the sky. They both looked up,
BF: (Zuko and Aang, jumping up and down) Rain, rain, rain! Rain, rain, rain! Splash, splash, splash! Fun, fun, fun! We love rain!
there were barely clouds in the sky, but the rain seemed to be originating from one place..
BF: Kari's tearducts?
Kari emerged from an ally, coming into the middle of a fight between an air bender and Zuko. She limped awkwardly on to the street, the water she was bending into rain finally running out.
BF: Only so much you can hold in your bladder.
She turned and saw through her blurring eyes, Zuko; his body in attack position and ridged.
Toa: Zuko AND Ruffles have ridges!
She took a small step with her bad foot and collapsed, her body finally succumbing to the fever and the injuries she had gotten in her fight.
BF: Funny how she always faints in front of Zuko...it's like she PLANS it...
Aang ran worriedly towards the fallen girl, trying to see if she was all right and, if anything, to save her from Zuko's wrath.
BF: Aang, buddy, I'd be more worried about saving your own ass.
Zuko held in an internal scream and sent hot balls of fire screeching towards his enemy
BF: Kari.
bender. He moved closer to Kari and kept Aang at bay. Aang, wanting desperately to reach the girl
BF: No. No you don't.
tried to send a blast of air at Zuko, but stopped for his attack was too close to the blue dressed girl.
BF: Oh no! The silk! It might get singed!
Instead he opened his glider and went to a safe distance
BF: Good plan.
to try to plan a rescue for the girl.
BF: NO! Bad plan!
With the avatar out of harms way, Zuko focused his attention on Kari. He ran to her side and rolled her to her back. A small girl child hidden beneath Kari,
BF: This kid sure likes hiding under dead people.
looked up at him and whimpered, cowering in Kari's unconscious form.
Toa: There was a lot of Kari to hide under.
Insult and guilt stung his heart momentarily, but Zuko ignored it.
BF: He remembered he was a cool character on the actual show.
He checked Kari's pulse; small and weak,
Toa: Just like Kari!
but steady, then her forehead; burning and hot even in the flames of the village, and finally examined the blood stains on her clothes; they came from her wrist, which was still bleeding.
BF: (Zuko) She's even more emo than me!
He looked around him and saw the village burning brightly in its prime,
BF: Okay, typically when a village is burning to the ground, we DON'T say it was in it's prime.
despite the rain Kari had sent.
BF: Wangst flood did nothing to save them.
He raised the temperature of his thumb and
BF: Stuck it up his ass.
reached for Kari's bleeding wrist.
The girl child flinched, fresh tears running down her soot smudged face.
BF: (Girl) It's a hard-knock life for us!
Zuko snorted
Toa: Some illegal substance.
and continued what he was doing, quickly.
BF: Jacking off?
He pressed his thumb lightly onto Kari's
Toa: *ahem*
gash, the bleeding stopped and her fingers clenched tightly in response.
Toa: Around Zuko's throat.
The girl child watched, her fear beginning to mix with confusion.
BF: Like how peas mix with mashed potatoes on your plate.
Zuko picked up Kari and began to walk to his calmly waiting rhino,
BF: Neither fire no Sue can frighten this beast!
leaving the small girl behind in the street. He laid Kari gently onto the saddle of his rhino, when a small tug came from the end of his shirt.
BF: Awesome.
Zuko looked down to see the little girl clutching his shirt tightly, her eyes wide with sadness.
BF: I'd be sad too, if Zuko still had his shirt on.
Toa: To which Zuko kicked her away and rode off!
She tried to tiptoe and reach Kari's shoes, but she missed. She tried again, making pitiful child sounds as she failed.
BF: (Zuko, dangling Kari's feet) C'mon...get it! Work for it! Come on! You have to jump for it! Higher!
Zuko sighed and climbed onto his rhino, cradling Kari's head on his chest, leaving her legs to lie limply on the saddle's side, the action making the girl release his shirt. The girl looked like she was about to cry again,
Toa: Bawl again.
BF: I swear, if it's not her, it's Kari.
the wetness of her tears making clean smears down her cheeks.
BF: Well, at least ONE part is clean.
Zuko backed up in his saddle and held out his hand to the girl. She stared at him, wide eyed.
BF: (Girl) What, do you want me to sniff it?
"Get away from him!" a young voice yelled some distance from the three people and the one rhino. Aang stood rigid,
BF: Hey! Whoa! PG 13!
his staff ready
BF: Are you listening?
and his eyes hard.
BF: Stop with the penis puns already! Damn!
"He burned this village!" He cried, the houses near him collapsing slightly. Zuko sat up straight, his own eyes hard with anger.
Toa: That's not the only thing...wooooo!
BF: Dear god, it's like this fic WANTS us to pervert it!
"I would never waste my fire to burn this pitiful town." He yelled back, turning his rhino to leave.
The little girl ran just behind him, whimpering loudly at the abandonment.
BF: Will SOMEONE pop her off Zuko's titty?
Zuko stopped and looked down. The girl arms were up raised and her face was needy and sad.
BF: Oh great. Like Kari wasn't bad enough.
Zuko took one of her arms and pulled her easily up into the saddle, positioning her between Kari and himself.
Toa: Zuko was hoping the girl would block out all of Kari's ugly.
He whipped the rhino into a run and left only dust in the wind.
Toa: (singing) All we are is dust in the wiiiind~
Aang growled in rage and punched the ground tears streaming down his own face.
BF: God, will people STOP crying and bemoaning thins like a bunch of ninnys?
The people who refused to leave their burning homes, never came out during the fight, and there were no screams to hear. They were dead,
Toa: Because they were stupid idiots with no common sense!
BF: Like I said: Natural Selection. We must weed out the dumb ones.
the only survivor riding away with the prince of the fire nation, along with a strange waterbender who was dying.
BF: Only a Snoopy bandaid could save that waterbender from her boo boo now!
His mind was rampant with rage and despair.
Toa: The emo! It spreads like cancer!
He opened his glider and shot into the sky. ‘I have to get Katara and Sokka,' he thought through his rage, ‘we have to fight Zuko together.'
Ch 7 Continued
Zuko and the girl child traveled in silence as the rhino took them farther and farther up the mountain trail.
BF: Why are they going UP the mountain? Shouldn't they go to the harbor? You know, where the ship medic is?
(Zuko) I didn't come here to cure them! I came here to dump bodies!
Kari remained unconscious, breathing very little and even then only shallow, weak breaths.
BF: It's just so HARD to live on when you have such terrible angst!
The little girl watched her savior,
BF: She found Jesus!
Toa: If this is Rin, shouldn't she be with Sesshoumaru?
clutching tightly to Kari's silk shirt
BF: **** your silk! We KNOW it's silk! Damn!
Toa: Calm down. Maybe its actually polyester?
BF: Only that could soothe my annoyance at this point.
as the rhino beneath her passed
BF and Toa: GAS.
a small clearing and began to trot down the other side of the mountain. She looked up at the scary man behind her, his scar making him look
Toa: ugly?
menacing, but the grip around her and Kari feeling protective and kind.
BF: The one that choked off her oxygen?
"Angel, dead?" She asked squeezing Kari's shirt harder.
BF: Grammer, dead?
Toa: (Girl) Me speaky no English!
Zuko glanced down, surprised at the silent girl's words.
Toa: (Zuko) Man, Earth Kingdom schools SUCK.
The rhino trotted on.
Toa: The bodies of the dead?
"No." He said quietly, his grip unconsciously tightening on Kari's shoulders. He urged his rhino into a gallop,
Toa: Uh...rhino's aren't show ponies. They don't trot, and they don't gallop. They DO poop a lot, though.
risking the motion for time, not noticing the small hopeful smile that lit on the girl child's face as he concentrated on making the journey as smooth as possible.
BF: Zuko should have bought a newer model rhino, with smoother handling, dual air bags, and shock absorbers!
Toa: Not to mention cup holders!
BF: ...Where would THOSE be...?
Aang paced the campsite hidden by the burnt village,
BF: The piled up dead bodies helped block the view.
his mind rampant with anger and frustration at being tied down until Katara
BF: Finally gave him a little more freedom in their relationship.
and Sokka got back from the market.
Momo hid smartly in Appa's already loaded
Toa: Gun?
BF: Anus?
saddle, not risking any anger from his adopted human friend.
BF: Yeah, coz Aang loves to lash out at harmless animal friends!
Toa: (Aang) HOW DARE YOU CHITTER AND BE CUTE!
Appa just watched as the earth beneath Aang's feet began to form a small ditch in the clearing.
BF: Hey, if your going to wear grooves in the earth, wear down some graves for all the dead folks lying around.
Finally Katara and Sokka stumbled into the camp, clearly beaten and tired. Aang's eyes widened.
Toa: (Aang) I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU FOR 15 MINUTES, AND YOU DO NOT SHOW UP ON TIME!!!
"They got you too?!" He cried,
BF: (singing) Hey, I'm gonna get you too, another one bites the dust!
his emotions raging in his body.
Toa: (Aang) I'm hungry!
BF: Horomones.
Katara pushed back a lock of hair that had fallen in front of her face and nodded. Sokka crumpled to the ground and smacked the earth.
BF: (Sokka) Take that, you stupid earth!
Katara knelt next to him putting a hand on her brother's shoulder.
BF: She had broken it off from one of the dead people lying nearby.
"I couldn't protect us," He growled, looking Aang straight in the eye. "I couldn't even protect Katara!" He yelled pounding the ground again.
BF: You suck at protecting dirt too.
Aang smacked the ground hard with his staff,
BF: Wow. There is a lot of ground hate today.
Toa: (Aang) RARG! I hate this dirt!
"They burnt the village I went to," Katara and Sokka looked at him with wide eyes.
BF: (Sokka and Katara) NO WAI!!!!111
"They took the only survivors
BF: Survivor. Only one.
Toa: One too many.
and left..." He turned around, his eyes watering in his anger.
BF: He was cutting onions, okay?!?!
"I couldn't save the villagers."
BF: God helps those who help themselves, Aang. Meaning, if you can't try to get out of a burning building yourself, God says you're shit outta luck.
He finished his jaw clenched in rage. Katara got up and placed her hand on the younger boys shoulder. He looked back at her, her eyes kind with pity.
BF: Let's all have a Pity Party!
"But I have a plan." He said opening his glider. "The fire nation's ship is in the harbor on the other side of this mountain. We'll serve out justice there."
Toa: (Aang) Let's blow some **** up!
He said with authority and waited until Katara nodded somberly then took to the air, circling patiently as Katara and Sokka climbed aboard Appa and followed their angered friend over the darkening mountain.
BF: He DID eat the last Fig Newton! Good for nothing rhino!
down, heaving heavily on the iron ship's deck. He stayed in the saddle, not daring to move as the girl child tried desperately to
BF: Cling to Zuko like a drowning cat.
stay awake and Kari seeming so fragile that she would break.
Toa: Zuko had already broken off an arm.
BF: Three times!
Iroh came running out of the ships tower, a blue cloak in one hand and a piece of paper in the other.
BF: Toilet paper, that is.
Toa: (Iroh, annoyed) Can I please spend some time in the bathroom UNINTERRUPTED?
"What happened, Zuko?" Iroh asked worriedly as Zuko handed down the little girl then slid off his rhino with Kari cradled in his arms. Iroh held up the girl, her eyes almost closed and her tiny hand shaking slightly.
BF: (Iroh) Prince Zuko, what did I say about bringing home hobos?
"I'll explain later, Kari just showed up and was hurt. What else was I supposed to do?!"
Toa: Finish her off?
BF: Really, that was the only sensible choice.
He said angrily, glaring at his uncle in frustration. Iroh looked like he was about to say something
BF: (Iroh) Zuko...that's retarded. Throw them overboard immediately!
then nodded gravely.
"Hurry, take her to the healer on the ship, he's the only one still on duty."
BF: The rest went drinking and whoring. You know...like NORMAL navy men.
He said quickly, scooping up the girl and walking with Zuko into the innards of the iron ship.
BF: He's going to give that ship constipation if he block up the innards of it with those two.
"She shouldn't have gone outside." The old healer lectured. He surgeon hands wringing the wet cloth into the basin of water and placing it on the ailing girl's head.
BF: Stuff happens...outside.
"Her fever is worst then ever now, you shouldn't have pushed her, Prince Zuko." He continued, standing up to check on his other patient, a small earth kingdom girl, who was covered in ash and dirt.
BF: (Zuko) What about the other girl?
(Surgeon) I think...someone did a lobotomy on her...
"The major blood loss can only be restored with rest
Toa: The blood of another!
BF: (Zuko) Good thing I brought the kid!
as long as it doesn't get infected, but..." Zuko scowled and grabbed the healers shirt and pulled him to his scarred face.
Toa: Make out session! Wooo!
" 'But' what?!" He whispered ominously. The older man fidgeted. "But, if her fever doesn't go down in a few hours, then her body will shut down..."
BF: We could only hope!
He looked away shamefully.
BF: Did Zuko know of the man's secret crush?
"I must get back to work." He said waiting for Zuko to release him.
Zuko let go slowly, then stomped out of the hall, disgusted with himself. He stayed in the outside hall. He punched the cold iron wall, growling as his knuckles began to bleed.
BF: (Zuko) Wait...punching iron...makes your fist bleed?
Toa: I think the surgeon is going to be a busy dude.
He pounded the wall again and again.
Toa: Reaaaaally busy.
'What could have happened to her? Who did this to her? Me?' Zuko's mind raced, wanting to find something, any thing to be angry at.
BF: Be angry at her! Her! She's the one who agreed to do it!
His heart roared in anger and his stomach was in knots.
BF: And his lower intestine did a little song and dance!
Toa: And his butt tickled.
He looked down the hall. Not really thinking about doing anything, he began to walk down the hall. He emerged again onto his deck, his rhino taken down to the holding pen on the lower decks, and the gang plank still lowered from when he arrived an hour before.
BF: (Zuko) Hello? Is ANY work getting done around here?
A figure in the sky caught his eye,
Toa: A bird?
BF: A plane?
Toa: No! It's Superman!
it was white and fluffy in the setting sun's light,
Toa: Oh no! It's a cloud!
but it was clear to him who it was. The Avatar, coming
Toa: To a theater near you!
right in his direction...
~~~
BF: And there you have it, folks! Sea's Love! Apparently, the Sea loves self important wangst...
Toa: And general emoness...
BF: Because that is primarily what constituted this fic! Let's take a look at this fic's stats!
Redeeming Quality:
At the very LEAST, Kari wasn't a Sue with ridiculous powers. Even if she did use her waterbending to produce emo water angel wings (can you say that with a straight face? Yeah, didn't think so), she wasn't overwhelmingly powerful.
Rap Sheet:
~ We don't think we've ever read such self-centered and totally dead-serious wangst. Oh the tragedy! Oh the trauma! Does NO ONE understand her pain? Probably not, coz it sounds like exactly like the SAME ridiculous angst we've heard from whiny Jedi prodigies, every mysterious Anime heroine EVER, and Jewel. Make it STOP!
~She's better than Katara? REALLY? Well, this must be based on early Season One, coz there is NO way you can pull that off with Katara afterwards.
~ Who's that "girl child"? What is her point, except to be sad and needy? It's almost like the author wanted to cover the whole spectrum of wangst, with Kari being "alone and tough" wangst, and Girl-child being "soft and needy and don't leaaaaave me" wangst.
~The characters here, when they aren't lamenting life, are in a rage or in the deepest sorrow and pounding at the ground. The ground tells us it does not approve.
Credits
"Sea's Love" by LilikoMizu
MiSTed by Booter-Freak and Toa of the Night
MiSTing concept by Best Brains Inc.
